


Red Carnation

by LightningHaski



Series: The Flowers To My Heart [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Trench Era, it doesn’t matter, platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 20:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17856446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningHaski/pseuds/LightningHaski
Summary: My heart aches for you; admirationTyler just wants to know why.





	Red Carnation

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning  
> Implied self harm
> 
>  
> 
> Here’s a Russian translation by Foxteen  
> https://ficbook.net/readfic/7940786

“Why are you doing it, Josh?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. So just leave it alone.”

“You can’t just not tell me. I thought we told each other everything.”

“Yeah well I don’t want to tell you about this. So just drop it.”

“I’m not going to drop it Josh I love you and I don’t want to see you hurting yourself.”

“Then don’t look!”

“It’s hard not to look when my best friend is suffering so much and I can’t do anything to help because he won’t let me in.”

“I never asked for your help, Tyler.”

“You’re suffering in silence. I know what that’s like Josh I spent years doing it myself and it didn’t get me anywhere it made me feel more shit about myself.”

“I’m not you, Tyler. This. This it makes me happy, how can you not see that?”

“I know that’s not true. I’ve heard you crying yourself to sleep every night since we started this tour. To me that doesn’t sound happy in the slightest.”

“You don’t know anything about me, Tyler. You’ve never been looking at me. You see me but you don’t look. I’ve been looking at you for years, I know everything about you. All your nervous ticks, your twitching that you can’t stop sometimes that you start to bite down on your lip hoping that it’ll stop. But all you know about me is that I bounce when I drum.”

“I do look at you, Joshua! You have no idea how much I look at you. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have noticed how you’ve been walking recently. Every step you take brings a wince to your face, your eyes glaze over with tears and you look down at your thighs the more you have to walk. You pull at your jeans hoping to elevate some of the pressure only to let it back drop again and flinch when it snaps against your leg. You can’t hide anything from me Josh because I look at you so intensely.”

“I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“The pressure is too much. We’re so big now Tyler and that’s scary.”

“I know it is, believe me I know. I’ve had thoughts like that too as we started getting bigger crowds.”

“I had a girl message me on Twitter, do you know what she said?”

“What did she say, Joshie?”

“She told me how I saved her life. I inspired her to learn the drums which gave her a new accomplishment in life and that was to one day have a drum off with me to see who the better drummer was. She didn’t kill herself because she decided that getting better at something she loved was the best thing she could ever do so that she could hopefully meet the person that gave her a new reason to live longer.”

“She seems like a lovely girl.”

“She sure sounds like it. But it scared me, Ty. It made me think that there are more kids out there that are suffering in the same way that she was and I’m not going to be able to save them all because they either don’t look up to me or they don’t know who I am.”

“You don’t have to shoulder all of this weight on your own. We’re a team Josh we do things together, we figure things out together. We can’t take the weight and pressure all on our own, we have to share it. Is that why you been hurting yourself?”

“Yeah. It sounds stupid now that I’ve said it out loud.”

“No it doesn’t. Did I ever tell you why I wrote about a red carnation in our new album?”

“No, you didn’t. And if I would have asked, you probably wouldn’t have told me even then.”

“I would have because it’s you that would have asked me. Anyway, it’s based on the meaning of the flower in flower language. It means my heart aches for you and admiration, it’s special to me. Just like how you’re special to me Josh, please never forget that. I love you.”

“I love you too, Ty.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just something new I’ve been working on 
> 
> I seem to not be able to stick to one thing for very long but everything else will be getting finished. I’m not just gonna abandon them


End file.
